How to Realise Suffering is Optional

Suffering feels unavoidable. When painful memories surface or worries about the future flood our minds, it seems natural to suffer. Yet, what if suffering is not a fixed state but a choice? What if the root of suffering lies in our thoughts, and by changing our relationship with them, we can free ourselves from pain? This post explores how we become slaves to our thoughts rather than the master of them and how understanding this can help us realise that suffering is optional.

Finding joy as we question our thoughts.

How Thoughts Create Suffering

Our minds constantly replay stories about the past and as we give our attention to them they are projected into the future. These stories often carry judgments, regrets, fears, and hopes. For example, you might think about a mistake you made years ago and feel shame or guilt. Or you might worry about an upcoming event, or find yourself catastrophising about a current life situation, imagining all the things that could go wrong. These thoughts, whether about the past, present or future trigger emotions that feel like suffering. Our bodily sensations reinforce this psychological suffering as we feel the physical stress in our body and react unconsciously repeating the past creating 'cycles of suffering'.

The key insight is that the suffering is not caused by the events themselves but by the thoughts about those events. The past is gone, and the future is yet to come. When I teach I often ask people to go and get me the past and of course they can't, the best they can do is show me a photo or video. We keep the past alive in our minds, in truth it does not exist. But our minds treat our thoughts about the past as if they are real and present, or somehow relate to the present moment. This creates a loop or 'cycles of suffering' where we suffer our thoughts believing they are true and relevant.

Becoming a Slave to Our Thoughts

Most people believe their thoughts are facts. When a negative thought arises, it feels true and urgent. This belief traps us in a cycle of suffering because we react emotionally to every thought without questioning it. Our thoughts appear to fit with the present situation, and we're convinced they are true, our emotions serve only to reinforce this belief.

Imagine your mind as a radio playing a constant stream of commentary. If you believe every word, you become a prisoner of the broadcast. But if you realise the radio is just noise, you can choose to turn it down or change the channel, but still even this is limited in it's success for your energy will simply attract you to another similar channel (story). When we question the thought deeply with the SEJ Process it dissolves, it then no longer has any hold over us.

This metaphor shows how we can become slaves to our thoughts and suffer them by accepting them as reality. The good news is that we can learn to question these thoughts so they lose their power over us. We no longer project our thoughts onto current life situations and we are able to see life exactly as it is. We become fully conscious and present.

How to Break Free from Thoughts

Breaking free from suffering starts with awareness. Here are practical steps to help you realise suffering is optional:

• Notice your thoughts: Pay attention to when your mind drifts to the past, future or catastrophises about the present. Recognise these thoughts as memories triggered by stimuli in the present, not facts.

• Practice the SEJ Process: Use the SEJ process as a framework for self-enquiry, to dissolve the thoughts so they no longer exist and therefore all suffering ceases.

• Question your thoughts: Ask yourself if a thought is true or if it’s just a story your mind is telling because it wants to find a way for you to relate to the present moment.

• Ask yourself: 'Who would I be, what might my life look like without this thought'

• Create space between thought and reaction: When a difficult thought arises, pause and notice your limiting patterns of behaviour when you believe the thought. Use the '4 bodies' section of the SEJ process to witness the link between your thoughts, emotions, physical sensations and reactions - re-enacting the past.

  
  

The SEJ makes living in the present easy

The present moment is the only reality we truly have. When we focus on the here and now, we stop feeding the stories that cause suffering. This does not mean ignoring problems or emotions but facing and questioning them without adding mental drama using the SEJ Process. For example, if you feel sadness, know that your feelings are simply pointing you towards a story the mind is telling that needs questioning. Your emotions are a barometer showing you whether you are trapped in a cycle of suffering. If you are it is time to apply the SEJ Process.

Suffering is optional because it hinges on your relationship with your thoughts. It's crucial to understand that the life event you firmly believe is causing your suffering is not the true source; it's the thought that acts as a bridge between the event and your suffering. Through the SEJ process, we 'blow up' this bridge, allowing us to learn from the past and observe it without emotional attachment. This ends suffering and enables us to make conscious choices in the present moment.

Final Thoughts

You are not your thoughts and suffering is optional. Suffering is not a fixed condition but a habit of believing thoughts. We suffer because we believe the mind's stories about the past, projecting them onto the present and future which keep us trapped. By learning to observe thoughts and questioning them with the SEJ Process we can break free from our 'cycles of suffering'.

Start small by noticing your thoughts and how when you believe them you suffer. Over time, you will discover that suffering is optional and that joy is always available in the present moment. Choose to be free from the prison of your thoughts, practice your SEJ Process, dissolve limiting thoughts and break your cycles of suffering, enabling you to embrace the life unfolding right now.

End your suffering today. View our events and learn the SEJ Process.

Love Mary x